Don’t burn them!
The phrase ‘never burn bridges’ is good advice and I have been surprised to ‘re-meet’ people I know in different circumstances as life unfolds. Particularly in the current economic climate not only are my contacts popping up in different types of roles than before but they are also getting back in touch, both professionally and personally. And in my non-work life I have even been lucky enough to attend the wedding party of a very dear ex-boyfriend who has married a fantastic woman. Re-meeting friends there was a peculiar feeling – like the film Back to the Future.
So, how do you ensure you meet and stay in touch with ‘the right’ people? I have previously read advice on networking that advises you to seek out the ‘useful’ contacts at events and move on quickly from those who talk for too long or who are not well-connected. This is all very well when you read it on a website or in a book and ok when you are in control but what if you find people doing it to you? I have had this experience for the first time this year and I would advise never to visibly snub someone at an event – it feels extremely bad…
It has happened to me this year because my partner is ‘somebody’ in the media. Instead of being the confident PR expert networker I am now often a ‘plus-one’ at a variety of fun events. This is great but unfamiliar and I find myself being snubbed by women and spoken to rudely my men who do not even ask what I do. I have been asked if I’m ‘just there for the food’, I have been ignored entirely and people have spoken to my partner as if I’m invisible or worse have made rude comments about our age difference. I can tell you it doesn’t feel good. I love networking in my own right and it comes naturally, but being a ‘plus-one’ is new and uncomfortable to me. I need to learn to use it as an opportunity and not be offended when people grab my partner’s business card and either do not take mine or do not offer their own.
However I have renewed my appetite for meeting new faces after a recent event. I was lucky enough to attend the first BBC Proms concert this year as the aformentioned ‘plus-one’. As described above, many people I spoke to at the reception were visibly more interested in getting my partner’s business card than mine. Having suffered 3 women grabbing my partner’s card and snubbing mine we made our way to the concert in the Royal Albert Hall. I clumsily walked backwards into a very tall man, as I made space for people to step into the row we were on the end of. ‘Oh Hello! How are you?’ Said the tall man, smiling at me… It was the Director General of the BBC. Would I have remembered me if I was him from my days at the charity Media Trust at which he was/is on the board? Maybe not but I admire him for remembering me and it renewed my appetite for networking and for remembering those who I may not immediately think of as ‘useful’. Tonight I am lucky to be attending a film premiere for a new action movie, not immediately a source of new clients but you never know. Now all I need to think about is what to wear…
Tony Altham said,
August 9, 2010 at 11:11 am
I agree – you never know who you are talking to and over the many years I’ve been networking in business, I’ve met and seen so many people who just focus on the contacts they think are the important ones – ‘The Big Cheeses’ they believe they really need to speak to.
The most successful networkers I’ve seen and met are those who talk equally to everyone. They put people at ease, they communicate naturally and openly and actually engage with the people they meet. They have the abiliy, ease and grace to let you feel that you are important to them and they are genuinely interested in you.
Your ‘bump’ with the Director General of the BBC indicates that he is one of these and you remember and talk about him accordingly.
Interestingly your comment about business cards is in my world a bit of a giveaway about the 4 main networking characters I meet (Dealers, Sellers, Collectors and Connectors) and I believe there is some simple but important etiquette relating to exchanging business cards and the folks who get it right are remembered for all the right reasons.
Thanks for your blog and I look forward to following you with keen interest.